Monday, April 23, 2012

Rockin' the suburbs or are they rocking' me?

Okay, two weeks on and I am getting a little worn down. Believe it or not, the euphoria of suburbia has subsided and I am now plotting my escape...or the demise of one (or many?) of my cute and oh so furry but high maintenance four legged 'friends'. I use the term 'friend' loosely as friends tend not to vomit on your table, keep you up at night scratching and barking at your door or crap in your kitchen. At least I refrain from doing those things to ensure my friends are the kind of high calibre people I want to hang with.

I have decided that ten animals, whether finned or furry is probably equivalent to 2 or more children. Parents, I am not sure you would agree but hear me out. Everytime you turn around someone wants something. If you feed everyone, all 10 mouths there's extra things, like helping with math homework and books before bed.

Old Cat likes water to be turned on for him to drink in the bath tub. He lets you know by letting out a deafening yodel, deafening is ironic as he is deaf and hence the decibels of yodel. Tiny Cat also likes water lapped dainty from the drain but rarely coordinates with Old Cat possibly due to his bad attitude so if you're in the bathroom chances are something is thirsty in there with you! And is letting you know about it. In the bathroom you will also undoubtedly have the company of Epileptic Dog who is man's best friend in a similar way to an inability to remove glitter after crafting. She follows you everywhere, yes even to the loo. She is constantly in the way when you go to the door to to open a cupboard and you just feel guilty when you get mad at her for it for she is just so damn happy, even when you step on her toes as she is right behind you, right behind you. Don't turn around! Garage Cat needs cuddling as he is looking for a home elsewhere. Perfect I'd say expect my Mother likes him. Nervous dog whines all the time, shakes in thunderstorms and requires lifting onto beds and couches in addition to comfort during storms. Rats need changing and exotic foods and handling if there is extra time.  

It's kinda like this:

'Hey, could you do my a favour get me some dog biscuits out of the cupboard? That'd be amazing and I'd love you for it! I would! I would!'
'Yeah, sure'

'Hey, could you do my a favour...etc'
'No problem'


'Hey, could you do my a favour...etc'
'Yep'


'Hey, could you do my a favour...etc'
'Uhuh'


'Hey, could you do my a favour...etc'
'Here ya go.'


'Hey, could you do my a favour...etc'
'Yeah, yeah, yeah...'


'Hey, could you do my a favour...etc'
'Seriously?'


'Hey, could you do my a favour...etc'
'GO GET THEM YOURSELF!'


1 comment:

Jan and Cara said...

This IS the funniest thing I have ever read.
BE A WRITER!

Did you remember to feed the fish?
MUM